What It Means to Be a Survivor

Anyone who has ever experienced a traumatic event, loss of a loved one, or prolonged period of disruption and uncertainty will have their own ideas about what it means to be a survivor.

Our trusty online dictionary defines a survivor as one who copes and gets through a tough situation or affliction.

I prefer the description provided by the National Crime Victim Law Institute.

A survivor is a person who endures adversity, moves through it, and perseveres; a person with resiliency who remains undefeated.

Survivors Are All Around Us

The term survivor is often attached to those who have recovered from a life-threatening illness such as cancer or lived through abuse or physical assault.

Anyone who has overcome catastrophic injuries, or the sudden loss of a loved one, particularly as a result of violence or suicide, surely qualifies as a survivor.

Others have survived emotional abuse, abandonment, divorce, extreme poverty, and homelessness.

I believe people of color and members of the LGBTQ communities might say that surviving is what they do every single day.

It is tempting to argue that certain experiences are more destructive than others, and there are those who will eagerly claim laziness or lack of desire to do better in an attempt to shame or assign blame.

This serves no worthwhile purpose.

Regardless of the nature of our backgrounds or individual experiences, the wounds and pain we feel are real and each hard-fought journey to survival matters.

This life. This moment. Your story. Your pain. Your hope. It matters. All of it matters. ~Jamie Tworkowski

Each Path Forward is Unique

Our experiences, strengths, and the resources we have access to will vary, so it makes sense that recovery will be uniquely personal, but regardless of the path, the journey will rarely be easy or straightforward.

There may be alternating periods of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and guilt before eventual acceptance.

The intensity and sequence of these stages will vary depending on factors such as the individual’s personality, self-awareness, external support, and level of resilience.

There are survivors who seem outwardly normal, appearing to be holding up well despite the burdens they carry, while others become mired in feelings of hopelessness, unable to function or move forward.

Inevitably there will be well-meaning others who fall back on that familiar old cliche, “Time heals all wounds.”

Well, sometimes it doesn’t.

Time can remove us from the immediacy of a traumatic event or loss so that we can begin to function again. But distancing ourselves from the event has a way of becoming a curious dance, one step forward and two steps back, hopeful one day, damaged and wounded the next.

It’s like walking through a minefield.

You never know when something will trigger a memory and set off your emotions.

So, what is the key to becoming a survivor?

It begins by accepting that the journey will be a process fueled by willingness to make the effort.

Ditch the notion of “bouncing back” to a place of comfortable familiarity and instead focus on growing through your experiences.

Have faith that as long as you believe in yourself and keep moving forward, you will find your way.

It might be dusty and hidden away, but it is there somewhere inside you: the heart of a survivor. Courage. Tenacity. Resilience. Don't shy away from it, this is your chance to shine. Struggle develops strength and teaches you to trust yourself. ~Amit Mane

The Heart of a Survivor

Becoming a survivor changes you in ways that are not always visible, and that you may not even recognize until much later.

It means …

Discovering that you are not alone.

Living without fear, shame, or guilt.

Being able to sleep peacefully at night.

Feeling a new sense of meaning and purpose.

Understanding it’s okay to admit it when you’re not okay.

Accepting and valuing the beauty of your perfectly imperfect self.

Making peace with not having all the answers.

Developing coping skills that you can count on.

Learning the importance of loving and respecting yourself.

A new sense of confidence and willingness to challenge yourself.

Recognizing, maybe for the first time, that you have the power within you to create the quality and course of your journey.

There is also a greater sense of understanding and compassion for others who are going through similar experiences.

Many survivors turn to sharing their stories as a way to help others, to offer proof and assurance that difficulty won’t break us; that it is not only possible to endure and survive adversity, but to grow stronger and thrive as a result of the experience.

The power of sharing your story, honestly and from your heart, offers a way to understand, respect, and make meaning of the trauma or loss.

One day, your story may turn out to be someone else’s survival guide.

Every wound leaves a scar that tells a story. A story that says, I never gave up, I kept going and I survived. ~Anonymous

Why It Matters

As a society more than ever we are isolated, anonymous to each other. We interact irregularly, often in online spaces where truth is in short supply, outrage is valued over empathy, cruelty goes unpunished, and such things as mass shootings, assassinations, and natural disasters garner at most a couple of days’ attention.

That one paragraph alone implies hundreds if not thousands of people suddenly thrust into traumatic life-changing situations, and few of us will ever know their names or what it takes for them to go on with their lives.

In the current climate of constant uncertainty, disruption and social division, empathy for those suffering is more crucial than ever because it opens the door to seeing situations from another's perspective and fosters connection rather than judgement.

And the reality is that at any moment any one of us may suddenly find ourselves faced with having to learn firsthand, in the hardest way possible, what it means to be a survivor.

Here’s to living & loving your resilient life!